thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
