i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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