My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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