There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
