Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Farmville is her only friend.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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