I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Someone shit on the floor
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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