Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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