Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Sext me about skeletons
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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