so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
