He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
