I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
