Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
