don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
