a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
