that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I love you. Go after that dick
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize