Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So much Jack, so little girl.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
