dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
