I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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