I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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