To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Please, let me fuck your mom
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
