I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
