if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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