I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
