I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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