i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
