That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
