I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
