I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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