Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
