I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize