Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
