Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
