I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
