remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
