I'm jealous of your bromance
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
