Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
