There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
