Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
