If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
