His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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