matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize