Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
