This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
All I want is dick and wine.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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