Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
