I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
