Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
