Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
