Do you still have your period?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
