I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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