I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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