I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
