does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Your penis caused this!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize