So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
