Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
