just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize