Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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