You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
