If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
