What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
