there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
