I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
