10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
