I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
