Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
