Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
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