My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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