I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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